Alif was there

Thankfulness, as my Dad blew out his candles and Alif was at his side, laughing and joking as always. Just 3 1/2 months after Easter.



Could not even believe he was there.



The last time I'd been in Dad's backyard was Easter.

Easter 2011 will go down as one of the most significant days for me.

Arrived at the hospital around 8 or so I think- maybe 9:00? Jason went with Emily and the kids to church that day. It would be her first time back and we knew she'd be mobbed. Jason was sent with the job of giving a very stern, "Alif is making noted progress, thank you for asking," and Emily was all geared up to not break down emotionally, if that was even possible.

Anyway. Jason went with Emily to church, and the agreement that we made was that I'd be by Alif's side every minute she was there.

I came in with my Bible and planned to read the Easter story to (unconscious) Alif. Thought we'd play a few Easterish worship songs. I felt honored to be the one with him that morning. I think there was "Happy Easter!" written on Alif's white board. And maybe a chocolate bunny sitting next to some medical supplies. I can't even believe I don't remember the nurse's name that morning. It was one with a neuro background. At one point we all knew them by their first names- the one with the ponytail, the one that's really sweet, etc. Can't believe I don't remember her name!

I talked to Alif for a few minutes, and then the (terrible bedside manner) neurologist came in said, "take him off sedation. I want to see what we're dealing with."

"Um." I thought. "Wait, no. This is not what I'd planned. Emily needs to be here. And frankly I don't know if I should or can be here during this."

It was his first time off sedation. First time since we'd heard about his brain scan.

And so he came off sedation. His left hand moved. And then his head tossed. And I don't think my own heart has ever raced so fast. Waiting, as the dr said, to see "what we were dealing with."

Quite a morning- his Mom, sister, Dad...all trickled in and saw the first real signs of life in their son, brother after they'd been to their Easter service. He was put back on sedation- but we were all allowed to see a glimmer of an Easter miracle that morning.

And then it was time to go be with my kids, their kids for our Easter egg hunt.
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And so on to my Dad's backyard I went, to face all those kids. All the kids whose Daddy that was in the hospital. The one we were begging a miracle over. And this Easter neither of their parents were there in my Dad's backyard, which made everything seem that much more real.

There was joy, laughter, Easter egg hunting. But a big fat knot in my stomach over just how "not right" this Easter was.

And, so to enter back into my Dad's backyard this day in early August, 3 1/2 months later in a completely different tone this time...to see Alif hug my kids, high five, walk right back into the normal "guy" spot in the backyard, is nothing short of one big fat miracle.



Such peace, thankfulness and complete gratitude seeing that Payne family together in Dad's backyard.